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BACK FROM THE DEAD 4 YEARS LATER.

Kutcher Becomes Victim of Prank
SANTA BARBARA, CA – Just weeks before self-proclaimed “King of Pop” Michael Jackson was arrested on suspicion of child molestation, “Punk’d”, a popular MTV show which plays elaborate pranks on celebrities, taped an episode at the Neverland Ranch for their upcoming season.
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Ricky Martin’s Walk-in-Closet Door Swings Open
CALIFORNIA – Former Latino heartthrob Ricky Martin has announced that he went back into the studio and recorded a new album. Many wonder why he thinks this was necessary, as Latino music went out with tight leather pants and dancing hamsters.
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Trekkies Confused By Wheaton's Cameo in Nemesis
HESTON, IA - Star Trek fan Joseph Stemalk expressed extreme confusion over Wil Wheaton's cameo appearance in the franchise's latest film, Star Trek: Nemesis. Stemalk, who prides himself on knowing even the most obscure pieces of sci-fi trivia, was at a loss to explain Wheaton's presence.
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Winona: "Blind kids are, like, totally gross!"
BEVERLY HILLS, CA - Winona Ryder was sentenced yesterday to work with the sick, the blind and babies with AIDS as part of a probationary term for shoplifting in a Saks Fifth Avenue store. It was immediately apparent that the sentence was not what the actress had been expecting.
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Meat Loaf Still Won't Do "That"
LOS ANGELES- Nearly ten years after his smash hit, "I Would Do Anything For Love," Meat Loaf told fans that he still won't do that, ending speculation by industry experts that the singer had given in to the allure of that.
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NSYNC Space Trip Canned: We Should Have Kept Our Mouths Shut
WINNIPEG, MB - No sooner than The Daily Bull published an article about overjoyed people celebrating the possibility that Lance Bass, a member of the boy band NSYNC, might blow up in a horrible rocket explosion, it was announced that Bass would not be flying aboard the Soyuz 5 flight.
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Online Porn Seeks New Frontiers: Introducing Mannequins
OKLAHOMA - Due to a dramatic decrease in traffic, several porn web sites have decided to explore fresh ideas in their endeavours to keep people hooked on porn. One of the new sub-genres will make use of mannequins in each of (but not limited to) the following situations: One-on-one, threesomes, gangbangs, cum-shots, and blowjobs.
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Where Are They Now? Part 2


HOLLYWOOD - Due to popular demand, a second installment of "Where are they now?" is before your eyes. The Daily Bull caught up with three more celebrities who have seemingly disappeared from the face of the Earth. These lost souls are RuPaul, Fabio, and Jaleel White.
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Where Are They Now?
Lonely, Washed-up Celebrities Desperate for Attention

HOLLYWOOD - What is Paul Reubens doing now? With the flop of the trivia game show, You Don't Know Jack, he went from his role as the host of the primetime program, to the kitchen of a Houston baked-goods factory.
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Pearl Harbor To Be Refered To As "Oscar-Winning"
HOLLYWOOD - Executives at Buena Vista Pictures were ecstatic this morning upon receiving word that the bribes had paid off and Pearl Harbor had actually won an Oscar for best sound editing. Film critics were still shaking their heads in amazement as it was announced that the three-hour film that nobody would admit to not liking, especially after September 11, would now refered to as "Oscar-winning."
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Super Mario OD's on "One-Uppers"
TOKYO - Everyone's favourite plumber was checked into rehab Saturday by family and friends after a nasty overdose on mushrooms, known in some circles as "one-uppers." This isn't the first time the Italian superstar has been in trouble; his current problems are only the most recent in a string of drug problems dating back to July '93 with the release of Mario Is Missing.
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Costumed Trekkie Turned Away From Studio
HOLLYWOOD - Early Monday morning a costumed Star Trek fan dressed in full Vulcan ceremonial regalia was turned away from Paramount Studios after several unsuccessful attempts to enter the premises to visit T'Pol, whom he claimed was his fiancé.
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Mick Jagger, Keith Richards Refuse to Die
LONDON - Despite demands from long-standing fans and critics alike, Rolling Stones' lead singer Mick Jagger and lead guitarist Keith Richards both refuse to die. They have long been called the "Glimmer Twins," but fans now refer to them as the "Spotted Liver Twins." With new releases like Jagger's Goddess In The Doorway and Richards' involvement in the TV series The Sopranos their spotlight is shining again, a problem that doctors say may inflame their cataracts.
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Stallone Regrets Rambo III
HOLLYWOOD - At a press conference held late Friday, actor Sylvester Stallone announced that in light of recent events, he regrets having ever made Rambo III, the 1988 action movie in which Stallone's character travels to Afghanistan to rescue an old friend who is captured during a secret military operation.
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Episode II Teaser Poster Revealed
HOLLYWOOD - Amid flashing lights and cheering fans, George Lucas unveiled the first teaser poster for the upcoming Star Wars: Episode II, stating that the new poster incorporates the best of both worlds and should bring fans of all ages back for another exciting movie.
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Japan Bombs Cast of Pearl Harbor
LOS ANGELES - Yesterday, in front of a stund crowd of Hollywood onlookers, the cast and crew of Pearl Harbor were alledgedly decimated by the Japanese Air Force. The attack occured just as the cast was leaving the Donny and Marie Show, where they were discussing the film, its many highlights, and schmore recipes.
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Jeff Probst Accused in Survivor Sex Scandal
NEW YORK - In what critics are calling the biggest entertainment sex scandal since the Friends orgy episode, Jeff Probst has been accused of trying to ply the seven remaining contestants of the popular Survivor 2 with offers of sex in exchange for food.
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Midget Actors On Strike!
Hundreds Unfazed, Literally "Step Over" Picket Line

HOLLYWOOD - Little people have long been the life-blood of Hollywood, with their zany antics in movies such as Time Bandits and their gnomish technical expertise as seen with R2-D2 in Star Wars. However, midgets are being used less and less in films as computer graphics technology improves, putting many little people out of work and depriving them of their livelihood.
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George Lucas Denies Changing Episode II Title
Blames Deluge of Fanmail on Internet Rumour

HOLLYWOOD - After two weeks of receiving countless e-mails, letters and almost two thousand pairs of panties from fans, George Lucas announced that he had absolutely no idea where people could have gotten the idea that he had changed the title of the upcoming Star Wars: Episode II.
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Lucas Apologizes, Announces New Episode II Title
Attributes Decision to E-mail Threats

HOLLYWOOD - In an emergency press conference held late yesterday, George Lucas, creator of the acclaimed Star Wars movies, announced that he had reversed his decision to subtitle his upcoming Episode II as "Attack of the Clones."
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Survivor's Michael Skupin Accident Details Revealed
Ex-Survivor Attempted to Gorge Self on Fire: CBS Insiders

WHITE LAKE, MI - Insiders from CBS have revealed the real reason behind the accident that caused Michael Skupin, 38, to be airlifted off the set of Survivor II: The Australian Outback. After eighteen days of starving on a diet of rice, chicken and fish, it appears that Skupin attempted to eat the fire.
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Arnie Signs Autographs, Beats Up Kid
"Don’t mock 'da Last Action Hero!"

LOS ANGELES - Superstar and former Mr. Universe, Arnold Schwarzenegger had decided to reach out to the community of LA and sign autographs for all his young friends. Unfortunately for parents, the real man is not the gentle giant that he has portrayed in such family classics as Jingle All The Way; instead he is an angry, bitter man more reminiscent of his role in T3: The Ride.
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Why we must never abandon this struggle in Iraq

Kutcher Becomes Victim of Prank


The Return of the King
The end of all "Rings"

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Hair in my throat.
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The Chicken or the Egg?
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Eating Poop
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