ATHENS - In a move that surprised people around the world, the Greek government banned all forms of electronic games in an attempt to curb illegal gambling. Critics of the move claim that it infringes on their human rights, and suspect that there is a more sinister agenda behind the new law, both from the past and from above.
Illegal gambling is a serious problem in Greece which prevents the collection of several thousand dollars in tax revenue each year, say government officials. "By banning all forms of electronic games, we are not only saving ourselves a lot of effort, but we are protecting the interests of the people of Greece," said President Konstandinos Stephanopoulos, in an official statement. "Betting on the outcome of something as simple as a game of electronic yahtzee is destructive to the economy, and not to mention, highly immoral."
Critics fear that Greek Law Number 3037 may set a dangerous precedent and signal a step backward for the small Mediterannean country. From 1944 to 1949, free-thinking citizens of Greece fought Communist rebels, finally defeating them with the help of British and American forces. They fear that the Communists may be trying to work their way into a position of power again, this time with subversion rather than brute force.
Alexandros Tipis, an avid gamer and Internet café owner in the city of Kavála, believes that a more powerful entity is helping the Communists attempt a take-over. "Zeus is back, and he's really vengeful this time," Tipis said in an interview with The Daily Bull. "Rather than using lightning bolts and smiting, this time he's turning our own system against us!"
Tipis says that Zeus, the head of the ancient Greek pantheon, was actually a Communist who inspired Plato to write "The Republic," a manuscript which was to be the foundation of an ideal society, ruled by an elite group of "philosopher kings." Free speech and the concept of voting, however, proved to be more popular ideas in the end.
"The Republic is widely known to have gone hand-in-hand with the ideals of Communism," said Tipis, "and I imagine that Zeus was pretty pissed off when people laughed at it, then started forming democracies and capitalist economies."
Many gamers are worried about the law since it threatens hefty fines and up to 12 months of jail time for having a few minutes of fun. "I can't have a game of chess against my friend in Mexico anymore," complained one gamer. "The only thing that I have ever bet him is that I'd win. I bet they ban reading next... Oh shit." Several police were on hand to immediately arrest the unidentified gamer.
The extent of the law is so great that it even bans games that are found in one's own home. Thousands of Playstations, X-Boxes and other gaming consoles are now useless, according to Tipis. The Greek Parliament recently released a statement containing "ideas" for what do do with the gaming consoles, explaining that it is not illegal to possess them, only to operate them. Among the ideas suggested were the following gems: "By making several inexpensive modifications to your Gamecube, the device can easily become an interesting salad bowl" and "Game CDs make nice earrings."
"Even games that come with computer operating systems are affected!" Tipis explained. There has been no official word yet, but opponents of Law 3037 are hoping to get Microsoft attorneys on their side. The Greek Parliament is soon expected to request that Microsoft remove Solitaire and Minesweeper from all copies of its products in Greece. "If they [Microsoft] can take on the something as powerful as the U.S. Department of Justice, surely they'll have no problem with a few Greek Communists with Zeus backing them up," Tipis said.
President Stephanopoulos refused to respond to questions regarding his possible connections to Communism or Zeus, and was quickly ushered away from an increasingly angry crowd.
Reaction to the law overseas has also been a mixture of shock and disbelief. When told of the secret Communist plot by a dead god to ban games in Greece, Californian gamer Todd McCullough replied, "Whoa... not cool, Zeus. Not cool."
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